So as some of you would know, I have a YouTube Channel in which I share clips about different aspects of depression and what I found helped alleviate some of that distress I’ve talked about before. It is so healing to be able to express yourself in whatever medium you choose, for me video was it. I loved the idea that I could connect with viewers who knew how I felt and I had the rather large hope that I would be able to improve their day or their lives somehow through being real, showing you that I’m a human being just like you and maybe even with a laugh or two thrown in. Since I’ve been medicated, I find that I can’t achieve the feeling of happiness but I have learned to laugh at the appropriate moments so that I can join in socially with those around me. I’d be really interested to hear if you knew what I meant. I used to be the HAPPIEST girl around, it is so cruel that depression has stolen this from me, such an important part of my personality. So yes, YouTube or video blogging is one way you can express yourself.
It took me a really long time before I wanted to do anything outside of my home, let alone creatively but I’m so glad that I recovered to a point where I did chose some activities at a local community centre of mine. I knew that the alternative was me facing a long stretch of weekdays on my own which I feared more. So I chose two options, one is sewing classes for beginners and the second was introduction to watercolours. I was really interested in painting, even though I’d never participated in painting classes before. Oh my gosh, you should have seen me shopping online for Art supplies, it was so funny, I had no idea what I was looking for. Lucky for me I chose pretty well for a student level and I rocked up for my first class. It was full of EXPERIENCED artists, I think eight of us were new but we didn’t all sit together. The person that I sat next to seemed really focused on her own artwork and was really reluctant to help me out. I could feel that barrier, ‘the wall’ come up so I just enjoyed my own company. The teacher handed me a picture to paint, four eggs and one of them was TA DUM in an egg cup. I approached this task one step at a time and started to draw the picture. I could feel myself relaxing like never before, I really enjoyed myself. I actually felt artistic, a new hope like maybe this was something that I could be good at. The painting itself was heavenly but I was really just doing what I wanted, I had no technique whatsoever. I didn’t care, I was putting something on the paper and I was proud of it. Ps. I looked over at the lady next to me, the one who wouldn’t help me and saw her artwork. In her haste she had ruined her own picture. She had wanted to be in her own little world, which there’s nothing wrong with that and in her hurry the experience was lost. The page was soaked with water. I couldn’t help laughing to myself when I saw one of her eggs, so coloured in heavily with lead pencil. I so wished she had been willing to share a little bit of herself with me. So that’s my first encounter with watercolours….stay tuned as I have so much more to share next time.