Today marks the three year anniversary of my breakdown which two weeks later led to my severe treatment resistant depression. I anticipated the date was coming up and put considerable thought into how I wanted to spend the day. I thought about a celebration lunch but I didn’t think my family could cope with that, so I took a laid back approach. When you’ve been through an event such as a mental health breakdown it is so traumatic. Thankfully time has faded some of my feelings and the slow but necessary journey of healing has begun.
So, I spent the morning practicing Modern Calligraphy and contentedly splattering ink all over my hands. It filled my sense of wellbeing no end. I stayed in my pyjamas all day and ironically had to go to a chemist to get medication to stop me having further breakdowns. So cheers to that. I went for a long drive with my Mum, my biggest supporter through this whole ordeal and I realised I’ve never actually verbalised just how much i LOVE driving!!!!! It is the best feeling of freedom and I swear music sounds 1000 times better blaring from the car stereo!! I still use cds lol.
I had a minor upset during the day with someone in my family commenting on me being overweight. WHY aren’t we talking about this people? Why don’t we talk about the fact that some anti-depression tablets can make the average female gain 40 kgs. For anyone reading this Do you know how DISTRESSING this is??? I resent those sideways glances with people looking at me as though I ate myself fat. I myself resent the fact that I eat moderate mostly healthy meals yet I look ready for The biggest loser. Having your IMAGE and IDENTITY changed without having any control is gobsmackingly painful. I’ve lost my beauty, I’ve lost my career and I’ve lost my energy levels all thanks to depression. Is there anybody out there who has experienced any of this? I hope not but at the same time I don’t want to be alone in this. So yes, 3 years is significant to me. 3 years……….