The way that I experienced depression was that I got very unwell, very fast to the point where I was sleeping so much and any time spent awake I couldn’t stop crying. It was a living hell and in those days I could barely go through the motions of everyday life. My husband and my mum became my carers and I couldn’t do anything for myself. Everything looked bleak and I feared there was NOTHING good for my future or for my life. I was living in constant pain, agony and emotional suffering.
Three years on and although I live with fatigue daily, I enjoy spending time with friends, I volunteer at a local youth service for four hours a week, I’m an avid beginner watercolour artist and a huge fan of modern calligraphy. I enjoy everyday with my daughter and we go on outings and play dates. Most importantly I am almost all emotionally pain free. So how did I get here, let’s see.
Seeing my health professionals has definitely helped in the long run, but in the short term I did not find relief. My severe depression was treatment resistant, which meant it took a damn long time for any antidepressants to take the edge off of my pain. I also saw one counsellor and one psychologist that were not a good fit for me. I found little relief, however it took a good six months for my Sister to convince me to see her counsellor/Social Worker. OMG there was a massive difference in the way the social worker approached me, from a trauma perspective. My emotional pain left me after 2-3 sessions. She was brilliant, and a skilled mental health practitioner.
I think that the support team that I desperately needed started to form. I had my Husband, my Mum, My Sister, Psychiatrist and now my Social Worker to work with on different aspects of my mental illness and this was the team to move me forwards. Oh yeah, most importantly there was MYSELF who was striving and pushing forwards. I have a favourite cartoon character called ‘King Julien’ who stated in a movie “I don’t just want to survive Maurice, I WANT TO LIVE!” and it was this thinking as well as regular appointments with my individual workers that pulled me through.
My friends dwindled in comparison to the social life I had before depression and I certainly learned who my friends were. I stayed in contact both in person and on social media which has become very important to me. I find I can just be myself, without this wicked depression being so present and all-encompassing.
I hope you will find this post encouraging and please dm me if you have any questions at all about my depression. – Tam xx