SO, I’ve had severe depression for three years now and for a year + a half I’ve been successful in treatments of medication and some BRILLIANT counseling from a very talented social worker. In all of this time, NOT ONE professional has spoken to me about my identity or beauty. This really struck me lately, because I’m really being confronted by my weight. You see, anti-depressants make you gain SIGNIFICANT amounts of weight + together with a coca-cola habit I have gained a LOT of pounds!
When I recently completed my Mental Health Care Plan, the Nurse also completed a weight management plan, so I was able to have access to an exercise physiologist. So all of a sudden my weight is in the spotlight. What has struck me most, is as I’ve gradually gained weight, peoples different reactions which range from ignoring my weight, acknowledging how I feel to glaring at me eating a fast food take away.
I can tell you that my perception of people who are overweight has definitely changed since I have gained weight myself and I now understand weight gain can be for many various reasons. I know for some of my friends, they shun any type of discussion in which I frown upon my voluptuous figure, but I genuinely do not like my ‘new’ body and I am mostly not comfortable with myself at all. So where does this leave me…
WELL, I’ve started exercising but just small steps each day with a 15 minute walk and I’ve enrolled in swimming lessons which I can say are fun! I’m noticing small reductions in my waist size but nothing significant yet. Strangely I have to say that in my bathers I am SO COMFORTABLE because they are so well made! If I could give anyone uncomfortable with their weight a tip, it would be to buy the best clothes that you can afford. It really does make a difference to be dressed in clothes that make you feel good about yourself! My energy levels are too low to wear makeup or keep up with my hair, so an investment in clothes really pays off for me. This size is the largest I’ve ever been but I’m mostly feeling pretty grateful to be alive without the pain of depression to let it bother me. I’m all for loving yourself, being healthy and I believe the person is more important than their appearance but I just miss being myself and recognising myself in the mirror. That’s all. That’s Me.